One of the many joys of hearing Dr. Jonathan Haidt speak was learning more about what makes the human heart so dignified and special. Haidt leads his listeners to this point by grouping various things into three categories: fragile, resilient, and antifragile.
In the fragile category, he includes the example of a wine glass. When the glass encounters resistance, even slight pressure, it will shatter. He then compares the fragility of a wine glass to the resilience of a plastic cup. When a plastic cup falls to the ground, it may not shatter but it will not be made stronger by hitting the floor.
Unlike many of the fragile or resilient things in the world, the psyche and musculature of a human being will not grow without encountering necessary resistance. The experience of growth is usually, its fair to say, an uncomfortable experience. An Olympic athlete must endure incredible struggle in training to be allowed a spot as a competitor. A classical pianist must commit thousands of hours to study and practice before hushing audiences with uplifting melodies. Our immune systems need exposure to stressors to grow resilient, as do our minds, hearts, and bodies. Another example of this would be allergen exposure. As the father of a 6 month old, our physicians have encouraged us to rub peanut butter on our daughter’s gums from time to time. Without this small exposure to a foreign entity, her immune system may not develop the necessary tools to process peanuts.
Human strength, of course, has its limits. Working your way up in weight in gym workouts is prudent. Otherwise, taking on more weight than you can handle could leave you injured. Still, for the human being, resistance is necessary for growth. Finding what you can handle and facing it plainly is imperative. This antifragile characterization is also true for bones, trees, and children.
Our activity structure at camp speaks to this truth. You can not simply have a prize without earning it, and you can not achieve the best trips without putting in the time to prepare and to master certain skills. This whole system is meant to help our campers learn that steady progress towards their goals will pay off in huge satisfaction, and this understanding of the value of working towards a goal is healthy and helpful for life ahead!
One brilliant example Haidt uses to illustrate this point is the palm tree. Palm trees can weather hurricanes and high water better than almost any living organism. However, Haidt shows that studies have been conducted in which palm trees are grown inside a green house. When a palm tree is grown in this manner and then placed outside in the elements, it cannot withstand even mild winds before it is blown over. What is the difference between the mature palm tree grown in a green house and the tree grown on a Caribbean beach?
The principal difference is that the tree grown outside has grown strong in direct proportion to the resistance it has encountered. This phenomena is called antifragility.
Haidt writes, “Palm trees are antifragile. Early bends cause scars, then another wind comes, and it cracks and scars some more, and as the palm tree reaches its full height the tree has cracked and scarred so many times that it can withstand category 5 winds.”
As Haidt proves on his substack, After Babel, children across the world are experiencing a difficult season. Social media, the decline of a play-based childhood, and increased polarization in our society have all played a part in the sharply rising levels of anxiety and depression in our populace, especially our youth! This being the case, it’s no wonder parents are seeking safe spaces for their children to develop. However, the desire to protect can actually harm our children when taken to the extreme.
Haidt suggests that one temptation of American parents in the last 30 years has been to overpromote a culture of “safetyism” so that our children, our greatest treasures and the future leaders of our society, are not exposed to stressors and discomforts that would have been more normal in previous generations. As a result, our children may not become as prepared to meet the demands of adult life.
Haidt: “What do parents do? We take our beautiful little palm tree, we pull it indoors, feed it, give it everything it needs to grow. It looks great! And then we roll it out into the wind. And the first breeze that blows, the tree cracks.”
Haidt again: “All children are by nature antifragile. Just as the immune system must be exposed to germs, and trees must be exposed to wind, children require exposure to setbacks, failures, shocks and stumbles in order to develop strength and self-reliance…kids must have a great deal of free play to develop and they benefit from physical play, which has anti-phobic effects. Kids seek out the level of risk and thrill that they are ready for, in order to master their fears and develop competencies.”
So, what are parents to do? There are real stressors that may be too heavy for developing hearts to carry in the increasingly invasive digital world. On the other hand, there is the danger of becoming a helicopter parent which robs our children of the chance to problem solve and overcome adversity. Haidt’s recommendation is to embrace opportunities to do away with screen-based childhood and to restore the play-based childhood.
“Find a sleepaway camp with no devices and no safetyism. Many summer camps offer children and adolescents the chance to be out in nature and away from their devices and the internet for a month or two. Under those conditions, young people attend fully to each other, forming friendships and engaging in slightly risky and exciting outdoor activities that may bond them together tightly. Avoid camps that are essentially summer school, with academic work and internet access, or camps that do not provide children with any communal responsibilities. Try to find a camp that embraces the values of independence and responsibility. If possible, send your child there every summer, from third or fourth grade through eighth or ninth grade–or all the way through high school if they want to transition from camper to counselor. Bonus points for any camp that promises not to post pictures every day on its website. Summer camp is a great opportunity for parents and children to get out of the habit of constant contact and, especially for parents, constant reassurance that their kids are okay.”
Jonathan Haidt, PhD – “The Anxious Generation”
We now know that play deprivation is a major cause of the teen mental health epidemic. These are some of the most important aspects of summer camping: the restoration of play-based childhood, the normalization of challenge, the solidification of faith, and opportunities for growth in grit and emotional maturity (sidenote: check out this cool article on the place of risky play in optimal childhood development).
So, how do we give kids real growth? As the old saying goes, “prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child”. We partner with our families at Kahdalea and Chosatonga to let campers encounter reasonable risks in a caring and challenging environment… AND to see that they come out stronger on the other side! As my wonderful mother, Anne Trufant, likes to say, “YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!” And not only CAN you do hard things, but you should do hard things. Resistance is necessary for growth, and part of growing into a mature and thriving adult is learning to endure discomfort for the sake of noble goals. While the activities at camp are fun and attractive, they also can teach these values and promote this endurance and vision. Are your children prepared for the road ahead?
I will wrap up these reflections with a quote that has often been repeated by our staff over the last decade was offered by Pope Benedict XVI in a speech to young people:
“The world offers you comfort. But you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.”
